Faithful in a Little: Stewarding our children’s confession

As much as I want my children NOT to sin, what is so much more important is that when they do sin, I am a safe place for them to come and confess.  Hiding sin is a deeply rooted part of our human, sinful nature.  It goes all the way back to Adam and Eve in the garden.  While Adam and Eve only had one parental experience, and that was with God, they still ran and hid their sin from him.  So if Adam and Eve were not convinced of the safety of confession with our perfect God, what hope is there for me, a sinful and imperfect human, to lead my children to a place where they can come freely to me when things go wrong?  That hope came through Jesus.  God shows us through his word some practical ways we that we can cultivate our children’s confession by becoming a place of R.E.S.T.

Reset Your Expectations

First – I need to address this ridiculous idea I have that my children should be sinless.  What a silly expectation.  My children are going to sin.  And if they have any notion that they themselves are sinless, how will I ever point them to Jesus as their savior?  Sinless people don’t need a savior.  “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick.” (Matthew 9:12)  If I raise my children to think they are infallible, I will raise them to depend on themselves on not on Jesus.  When we feel like failures as parents (honestly, I feel this way almost daily), we need to look to God and remember Adam and Eve.  They could never blame their parents for their failings, they had only our perfect God as their Father, and yet they still chose to believe a lie over the truth and follow their fleshly desires over obedience to God.  We have a great responsibility as parents, to be sure, but we will never be able to create perfect, sinless children.  Only God can do that, and He did, through Jesus.

Elevate Your Focus

Knowing, now, that my children aren’t going to be perfect, the task is set before me to prepare my own heart for when they sin.  How does God respond to my sin?  He does not hide from me.  He does not ridicule me.  He does not shame me.  He does not turn his back on me.  On the contrary, God took all those reactions on himself when he came to offer himself as my sacrifice.  When Jesus was suffering and dying on the cross, God the Father hid from him, ” And at the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, “Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?” which means, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Mark 15:34).  God turned His back on Jesus in this pivotal moment when Jesus became our sin.  Jesus was mocked, he was ridiculed, he took all of my shame.  He did this for my children, too.  So all of my fleshly, judgmental reactions are nailed to the cross with Jesus.  What remains is love, grace, and mercy. 

Show them the Gospel

Love, grace, and mercy are my options for every spill, every lie, every crash, every mess, every angry outburst, every moment of disrespect, every defiance.  And for my fellow parents, we know these moments start early!  Defiance can be seen in infancy, “Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me. (Psalm 51:5).  We know the frustration and the pain that comes when we try to lead our children in the way that is right, and safe, and they defy us and run in the opposite direction, often literally.  Responding to these moments in grace, pointing our children, however young, to the Gospel, is a difficult task requiring Holy Spirit filled wisdom.  It is so important that we begin to do this in the early years, that in the later years, we as parents will become a safe harbor to run to in confession rather than a place our children fear and run from. 

Tell Your Story

To cultivate the practice of confession, we can go first in example to them.  Show them what it looks like to confess embarrassing, shameful things and trust in God’s mercy and forgiveness.  As much as we can’t expect our kids to be perfect, we must show them our own imperfections that they will see Jesus as their only hope.  The last thing I want is for my kids to be disillusioned by some false idea of me that they are crushed when they discover my own imperfections.  When my kids call me out on things, as hard as it can be, I need to admit my faults, apologize to them, and remind them that I am imperfect, but they can trust in God as their perfect Father, who will never fail them.  “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9). 

Confession is a good, freeing thing for our souls.  It removes the weight of shame.  It disarms the enemy in his attempts to condemn us.  It gives us comradery with the saints to fight sin together and follow hard after Jesus.  Confession is a good, holy thing.  If I can teach my children to confess their sin freely and without fear now, I know that will help them to fight the good fight into adulthood as they develop new relationships with other Christians who they will need to fight with them in hard times.  I hope and pray that I will always be a safe place for my children to share their deepest hurts and failures and fears, but I pray even more so that they will see Jesus as the ultimate source of comfort and grace in their time of need.  So whether it’s a spilled cup of milk or something so much bigger, I need to remember to practice R.E.S.T.; to Reset my expectations, to Elevate my focus, to Show them the Gospel, and to Tell my story.