When Your Family Rejects You

The pain of rejection from those we love and trust most can cut deep.  We are left wondering what we did wrong, how we could have done things differently to secure a better outcome.  We long for our family to know Jesus, to share in the faith that caused the change they hate so much in us, only to find our attempts to witness and share the Gospel met with scorn and contempt. 

This is not a new nor uncommon story, we can see it as far back as Cain and Abel, when Abel’s sacrifice for God caused a jealousy in Cain so strong he murdered his own brother.  Jesus’ own family was embarrassed by him, saying “He is out of his mind” (Mark 3:21).  So take heart that you are in good company! 

When I first became a Christian, I was so excited and zealous for Christ and I couldn’t wait to share everything I was learning with my Catholic family.  I was too young in my faith to understand that the Holy Spirit himself had opened my eyes, not any lofty argument.  I thought I could convince my family of all the beauty and wonder of Jesus with my own words and reasoning.  It wasn’t long before a great divide grew between us and they mocked me and forbade me to talk about Jesus with them, or they stopped talking to me all together.  It was very painful and I felt so much regret about what I had said, replaying every conversation in my mind, wondering how I could have worded things differently to have prevented such a chasm. 

There are several principles we find in scripture that can help us know how to respond when we are faced with rejection:

1. Be a Minister of Reconciliation

“All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation.  Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us.” 2 Corinthians 5:18-20

Being ambassadors for Christ, we represent him to our families.  We represent the grace, mercy and forgiveness that we’ve experienced by extending it to them.  We forgive the wrongs we may have held onto for years.  We confess our sins against them and ask their forgiveness.  In all of this we share the message of the Gospel, that we can be reconciled to God because Jesus gave himself up as a sacrifice for us, conquering the divide that separated us from our heavenly Father, and if our relationship with God can be mended, so can our relationship with each other. 

2.  Jesus is still our first love

Jesus said “Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth.  I have not come to bring peace, but a sword.  For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law.  And a person’s enemies will be those of his own household.  Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.  And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me.  Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” Matthew 10:34-39.

Our relationship with Jesus trumps all other relationships.  The peace Jesus brings is not a superficial harmony that comes from denying the truth and pleasing those around us.  We are to boldly live out our faith and make it known who it is that we follow and to whom we belong.  To love anyone above Christ is to deny who he truly is.  Jesus makes it plain to us here that we are to follow him fully and gladly, that it is not going to be easy but it will be life-giving.  To take up the cross means to bear the name of Jesus even when we are mocked and reviled as he was.  “Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or lose heart.”  Bear the name of Jesus audaciously with your family.  Strive for peace with everyone (Hebrews 12:14), but never at the cost of denying whose you are, you belong to God.

3.     Don’t neglect what God has given you.

“And stretching out his hand toward his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers!  For whoever does the will of my Father in Heaven is my brother and sister and mother.” Matthew 12:49-50.

We may be prone to feel self-pity and defeat when our birth family rejects us, but oh what a gift we have in the family of God!  Don’t neglect to meet with your brothers and sisters in the church.  Make a point to seek out wise, older men and women who can act as mentors to you and encourage you in your walk with Jesus.  Don’t let the sting of rejection steal your joy in Christ or keep you from the mission God has for you.  Continue to move forward in ministry, considering Jesus in all things that you may not grow weary and lose heart.   “What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him.” 1 Corinthians 2:9.